I need help removing her.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
