As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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