Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
