i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
