youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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