You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
