help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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