ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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