need another drink. this is the easiest way
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
