Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
