Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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