haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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