if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
