OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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