If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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