I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
