I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
