Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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