somebody snuck up and got me drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
