Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
