i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
