you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
