Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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