i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
