I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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