Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
