I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
