No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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