He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
