Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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