i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
