i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
