Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
