i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
