i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
