ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
