hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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