Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
