This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
