I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
