sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
