Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
