I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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