I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
