these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
