Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
