I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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