ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
