I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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