Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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