Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
