There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
