Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
