i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
