Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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