Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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