around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
