Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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