but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Alive.
So much puke
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
