I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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