I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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