He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
