why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
